I finally went to the studio Monday night after being gone for so long. They were surprised when I showed up. It’s still a big sausage fest with a sprinkle of girls added to the mix. I’m glad they’re getting noticed and people are putting in time and energy just for the joy of being a part of something.

Other than the surprised looks on the boys’ faces, upon arriving through the doors, one of the employees that work at the studio asked if I ever did any acting or crew in the past. I laughed awkwardly and replied “a long, long time ago … very little”. He started to talk about how he is in the casting process of a short film. He’s wanting to submit various short films he and others have made hoping it’ll get picked up and grow into something more.

It quickly went to him asking if I was interested because there’s a part he can see me play. He wants a whole lot of diversity so I guess being Asian helped. haha I think he can sense my nervousness so he asked me to just read the script and see how I like it before deciding. And if I really was interested, he wanted me to read for two different parts.

Y’all … I’m going to be FAMOUS! hahaha Just kidding.

I haven’t been in front of an audience in a long while now so I’m not sure if I will end up reading the for the parts. I didn’t like the attention and the judging. Ever since then I’ve switched to the behind-the-scenes type of person but I agreed I’d read the script first and go from there. He added that he’d love my help with the crew if I didn’t want to go forward with it and I told him that that sounded lovely. I didn’t know what else to say. Plus maybe it will be lovely. Getting to do things you wouldn’t normally do and have more experiences do sound pretty fun. If I didn’t go to the studio Monday night, i wouldn’t have been given an opportunity to decide, given, I might not take it. But being asked is something to celebrate about. Always celebrate the little things.

The week is almost over. Can y’all believe it? Happy Humps Day!

Happy February, Bubbies! Valentine’s Day month! But most importantly, Chinese New Year month because, well, single life, yo! But also because red envelopes, yo! Oh and let’s not forget, Deadpool month! Too freaking excited for that.

January treated me fairly well. A lot of things have changed for me and I’ve grown a lot in just one month. Not sure how many people can say that but I truly believe I’m a different person than I was last year. I use to be more positive and upbeat and I want to go back to that. I just have to keep reminding myself that things happen for a reason. Nothing is bad because it’ll take you to the good, to where you need to be. 

I decided to pick up the things I love but haven’t done in a while. #littlethings Here’s an update on all I’ve completed this past month:

CROCHET | It’s been a while so I’m training my fingers again. Back to the basics. I’ve finished a single crochet scarf and currently on a double crochet baby blanket. It helps keep my mind off of things as I “watch” telly.

WRITE | Surprised I’ve blogged every day this past month. I didn’t plan it that way, but it just happened. I have nothing interesting to say so I’m not sure what I really posted.

READ | I’ve finished two books and currently reading one digital and one physical, and listening to an audio. I love being lost in the characters. Feeling their feelings feels much better than feeling my own feelings. Plus it gives you a whole new perspective on things that go on in your own life.

DRAW | I was cleaning and found my old drawings which almost always had words with it. They make me laugh. I’ve finished two drawings this past month. I still have issues with making realistic human drawings but practice makes somewhat perfect …

As you can see, I’m doing quite well in keeping my creative side of the brain going and I hope to add more lovely things going forward:

PAINT | I’m wanting to throw some down for some sky paintings. I miss those and they were always easy for me to conjure up even though the last one I ever did took me over three hours.

GUITAR | I’ve failed at putting in new strings. I still haven’t figured out which ones to buy since I want better quality than what I currently have. Plus last time I restrung my guitar, it snapped my face and I’m not sure I got over that fear yet.

SONGWRITE | I’m not good at this. I wish I was. But I still try. It’s easy for me to put words to paper but putting instrumentals to it is pretty tough for me. Maybe I’ll just do a cappella instead …

VIOLIN | Sissy and I dabbled on the only violin that was left standing in December. We bought new strings for the others but I haven’t put them on. It’s been a long time and I’m afraid I’m going to break them. Any volunteers to help a girl out?

KNIT | Fairly similar to crocheting but not. I use to knit more than I crochet so getting into it will probably be a bit easier for me than crocheting. Might be best to knit giant blankets in the future.

FITNESS | I miss having a scheduled workout plan. There are reasons for not starting but that’s a post for another day.

I hope I can continue through the year. Maybe I won’t complete as much as I did this past month, but it’ll still be something to celebrate.

If anyone is interested in doing any of the above with me, I’ll gladly accept the company. Maybe you can teach me a thing or two.

Until next time, 

Yesterday, the night sky gained another bright star. I was hoping it was all a joke. I still can’t wrap my head around it. You were one of the smartest people I know and doing so well for yourself. I’m going to miss those big eyes, beautiful smile, and gorgeous shiny hair. You have so much love surrounding you and you will be dearly missed. Rest in peace, Amy Strahan.

When your past comes back … literally.

The oh-yay, you’re back … but oh-crap!

My ex from my freshman year of college reached out to me again last week. He does it every once in a while. We didn’t end on bad terms. I always did the friends first method of dating and tried doing the not knowing each other first part. He was the first person I dated without being friends first and it didn’t go anywhere. I’m not good at dating people I don’t know. I’ve tried it probably twice my whole life and it just … didn’t work for me. Friends first has always been easier for me (though hesitant because that’s how you lose them if it doesn’t work out) because I am able to be myself without worry that person would run away. So even though every year he reaches out, it makes me worry he still wants to try. The questions he asks and the way he says some things makes me think so. And since I never had that emotional connection with him, it’s hard to jump right back in and I know I won’t ever be able to. I hope he feels it too. I hope he knows that I’ll always be here for him, but I don’t know if I can be someone he wants me to be for him. It’s still nice to see he’s doing well though.

The oh-yay, you’re back!

A two hour phone call with an old friend last night. TWO HOURS. We hadn’t talked in years and lately we’ve been trying to catch up through text messages and figured a phone call would be easier. So much easier it was. We caught up from the last time we talked until now and it’s just so much stuff. YEARS of stuff. Unending. But we finally had to say our goodbyes since we were both getting sleepy. Friendships that are so easy to pick up where we left off. Those are the ones that you cherish and know will be there for you even with years to come.

My wish this Wednesday …

… is not to lose any more people in my life. If we drift apart, we keep in touch. I know it has to be both parties willing else it won’t work. So all I hope is that both parties will always be willing to do so. Even if it’s years later, I promise, I’ll always be here. No matter how we ended up not speaking to one another. No matter how bad you’ve treated me. I wanted you in my life then, and I’ll always want you in my life no matter how long it’s been.

I think Emily Osment put it best when she got asked why she still tries to be friends with someone who doesn’t want to be their friends.

You don’t give up on friends. You wait, years maybe, but you don’t ever give up.

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