Did you ever felt so hurt that your heart is in pain? I’m pretty numb about everything but for some reason today, talking to various people, I realized that it’s possible with everything that happened. I was asked why I don’t open up and I don’t understand how he can’t see the reason when it was all around us. At the end of all of this, I will be stronger. Just when I thought I was able to start opening up and letting my wall down, someone had to come and make me build my wall up even higher.

I wanted a guy’s point of view of things that were going on so I texted Travis, “I need someone to converse with if possible”. This was at 11:30pm, when he usually studies. Next thing I know he was on Facebook Chat. Then at my door when he realized this was a face-to-face conversation. We talked for a little over 2 hours. Given we talked about random things at times, he was able to give me opinions about the situation and about the people involved. It’s nice to know he’ll kick someone’s ass if I ever ask for it. Brother Bear to the rescue. He has class at 7:30am and he stayed up talking to me. That’s a real friend. And I hope I’ll never lose him.

Woke up late today and I still feel the sting of the pain,
But I brushed my teeth anyway.
I got dressed through the mess and put a smile on my face.
I got a little bit stronger.

Because of all of this, I didn’t want to come home. I didn’t want to deal with anything. But of course, life goes on. And it’s just another thing we have to learn from. No more emo posts for a while after this. I just needed to get it out.

Penn State brought me and a friend even closer than before. While driving her home and talking, she was able to share something that she’s only shared with one other person here at UTSA. That means a lot to me. It made me understand why she is how she is. And for her to trust me with that information … indescribable feeling.

I hope everyone’s having a good week! It’s hump day! We’re halfway there!

I said I would tell you why my weekend began on Monday night.

I will be heading to Penn State soon! There is an organization there called THON which is where FTK derived from.

Their Dance Marathon is this weekend and I’m excited to experience it with some amazing people.

I hope I get to see real live snow!!

Katrina went with me to Wal-Mart to buy last minute things for THON and she decided to pick up some cupcakes.

When I asked her which princess I would be, she said something funny … but rude.

Gary came over and they hung out with me while I packed.

Picture of Gary wanting to go to THON with me.

I wish everyone I love in FTK was going with me. It would so much better. But I’ll make do with the people I have.

Then we, along with Andrew C. and Lisel, went to eat at Buffalo Wild Wings. Had a good time with them and sad I won’t get to see them for the next five days!

Trisha came over and gave me 100 songs to listen to while on my trip. I’m excited! I love new music!!

Then Travis helped me with my luggage and drove me to Shayna’s and Patricia’s so that I wouldn’t have to leave it here over the weekend. We have decided not to sleep … but they have dozed off next to me. Shayna and her mum are driving us to the airport at 3:30am.

Eepp! We’re almost there! My eyes are getting heavy!

I guess you could say my weekend started Monday after 7:30pm when we found out the other team wasn’t going to show up for our FTK Co-Ed Soccer game. I’ll tell you more about why my weekend has started this early at a later post.

Today has been a pretty eventful day. I woke up with a text from Jenny saying to grab a donut on the way out. I’m not a fan of donuts but I like sprinkles. I ate the one in the middle on the right because it was a better looking heart than the other two.

I went to school and a friend and I did a storyboard for a video we’re wanting to shoot that has to do with skydiving. It’s pretty simple. Not too in depth. Most of it is just in our heads. Then I went to class to where I didn’t have to be at since I rescheduled my test.

Went to the bank to get moolah then headed home and relaxed with Jenny and Deana. Travis came over and he ate the chocolate heart shaped donut and we all read horoscopes, watched YouTube videos, and hung out.

Took a one hour nap. Then headed over to Shayna’s and Patricia’s. It was Girl’s Night. To be exact … Single Girl’s Night.  I think one of them has a boyfriend though.

Before anyone else came over, Shayna, Patricia, and I talked about guys. Bahaha Typical, right? What is girl’s night without some talk about guys …

Flor and Patricia’s friend, Jocelyn, came over. We ate Alfredo Pasta with broccoli, carrots, cucumber, and tomatoes. With half a yam. I love yams. Yams, yams, yams.

And we drank wine. I’m not a wine lover but this was actually pretty good. Patricia drank pretty much the whole bottle.

We also had another bottle of wine but I didn’t like it.

Then we all had some chocolate covered strawberries and watched Our Family Wedding. I asked for a sad movie where either people die at the end or a relationship doesn’t work out. But they picked a cutesy funny one that made me wish I had a boyfriend. BOOO …

Anyway, I hope your Valentine’s Day was as great as mine … surrounded by people I love.

I was having a conversation on Facebook Chat with Brother Bear while Jenny and I were chilling on my bed on our laptops talking and laughing about things.

It resulted to me asking him a question because I needed a guy’s opinion on something. He answers “Hold up, I’m thinking”, to him knocking on my apartment door. We had a 20 minute or so hang out with Jenny and Deana. Then they headed for bed and he and I had almost a 2 hour conversation.

Love talking to him because he lifts me up whenever I’m feeling down or uncertain about something. He always tells me to never give up and to think about “What if?”

So it breaks my heart when I hear when he’s down or uncertain about stuff. I guess you can say I can feel his heart breaking like it was my own. I’m one of those empathetic people. It always hurts when I cannot help ease their pain.

He deserves so much but never gets anything in return. I know whatever happens though, he’ll be okay and he’s strong enough to get overcome anything.

He knows my blog now so … if you’re reading this Travis … you’re the best Brother Bear ever! And everything will be okay. And I hope you’re not mad I’m writing about this in here.

On happier news, I finished my song.   Lalala … and I feel great about it.

I’m in the worst pain I’ve been in a long time. Shin splints came back. Along with my old knee injury.  I brush it off like I’m fine but when I was coming home, walking up the stairs, I almost fell down. Mmm … fun stuff.

Tomorrow’s the basketball game and last one for the week. No athletic stuff until next Tuesday. Thank goodness.

I emailed my teacher today and asked him if I could take my test next Tuesday instead of tomorrow. He said yes. Score!

Now it’s time to finish my homework and relax.

But before I do that, here’s a story of Dying Texas man gets wish, holds newborn daughter.

Hope your Monday is going well.