I never admit certain things in my life. Admitting those things, saying it out loud, makes things real. And once it’s done you can’t take it back.

I admit, I’ve been surrounded by some amazing people these last few days. They’ve made me happier than I’ve ever been in a while. Someone who always private their lives (a lot of times, like me) shared things with me. I never admit that I love the people I’m surrounded by because I’ll never know how long they’ll actually stay in my life. “People always leave.” (Phrase from One Tree Hill.) So many people have come into my life and left. And all that’s left is those memories and questions of what happened that made us drift apart. I’m taking a giant leap of faith that some of these people will always be in my life. I can see those reunions and get together in the future already.

I was told I cry at everything. Which to an extent is true. I have the ability to cry at everything because I can feel everyone’s pain and suffering or sometimes happiness and love. But when it comes down to my own, I just pile on the bricks to a higher wall. No tears shed. I admit, it’s been two weeks with everything going on and I finally cried about everything that bothered me last night. Those things weren’t even directly connected to me. I was more worried about those people that hurt me, getting hurt. Stupid, huh? Given it was only a 3-5 minute full on cry, in the end it did feel better. Only thing was I had to admit some things that I’ve never admitted to before in my entire life. That made things more real to me which made it hurt more.

Another relationship died today. I really thought they would last forever. From what I’ve learned every time: there will always be the burning question of “What If?”, is this something I will regret, and in the end, love is never enough.

You’ve heard me talk multiple times about FTK (For The Kids) with childhood cancer and how we’re helping them by raising money! We’ve been given the opportunity to where anyone can use there multiple email accounts and sign up for a MyEdu account.

It does not spam you or anything. All you have to do is click on the picture below which takes you to the page, sign up and confirm the email that comes to you and that’s it!

FTK will then gain $1!

If you’re a student, it’s very helpful in getting all your college stuff together.

Please, please, please help! It’s For The Kids! With cancer!

And if possible, please help spread the word.

Thanks!

I’ve lost all focus since I’ve gotten back from THON. Which is weird because it should be the other way around.

Lost focus with people, school, FTK, FSA, etc. Is it sad, last night I just realized I have a test on Thursday? Mmm … yes. It’s gotten that bad. Hi Test, I’m not ready for you, obviously.

I wish I was a great songwriter so I can just drop out and do that for the rest of my life.

I’ve been having a hard time keeping food down again. All the “symptoms” are showing again and it’s annoying the heck out of me because it’s uncontrollable. I’ve never talked about it but one day, maybe I will. Once it starts, it’s hard to stop. Just for now all I can tell you is I promise I’m trying hard to stop, scout’s honor.

Well, God knows you’re barely standing
But you’ve got to carry this heavy load.

I was told I am selfless. In where I can give up something I like so much so that it makes other people happy. In which I replied, but is that a good thing? That’s a question I’ve been pondering for a lifetime.

I opened my Google Reader for the first time since four days ago … 1000+ unread. Whoops. I’m slowly making my way through it all! So if you see me commenting on something old, that’s why.

Great song by a great singer. Lyrics are a little too spot on sometimes. She’s so gorgeous. Check her out.

My friend, Nicole, got engaged tonight. So happy for her. It seems everyone’s finding their one. Cannot wait to hear the story and details! This is going to be so exciting!!

Tomorrow’s the 5k Diploma Dash. I’m not running it though with my shin splints, I don’t think it’s a good idea. I will walk it though! Sadly I don’t think this counts as doing a 5k in my bucket list. Next time, next time!

Time to get ready for bed. Nighty night!