After over 700 posts, you’d think I’ll have better titles…

I didn’t know my last post was public until I received these two quote poster thingies (above & below) telling me to never give up. With the words written out, my thoughts are less jumbled. The weight is off my chest and I’m able to breathe again. I am hopeful there won’t be any more future triggers but if it happens, I’ll learn from it so I can move on. I won’t push it aside so it could destroy anything else.

For what I did mess up, if we both believe we can go back to how we were, we’d have to work on rebuilding our friendship first – even if that’s all we can ever be. It doesn’t seem he wants to but because I trust him and his words to be genuine, I’m giving him his space and time. I’ve taken a step back to not overthink and to care a little less. And that’s all I can do.

Work has been on full mode since Friday. And I’m already stressed about the projects piling up. To split my time 50/50 between 2 teams is hard when there are deadlines.

Speaking of jobs, I had an interview/offer but I declined. It would of been a pretty cool to go to the rigs once in a while and fly to other states but … who would want to move to Oklahoma? Lame. Why is only Oklahoma and Houston looking for me? Come on Colorado! haha I’m not too sure if I would up and move but if the opportunity presented itself pretty well, I might just take it.

Yesterday after work, I went to get alterations for a dress because fat girl over here. I was having issues with the bust area not zipping up. And when the lady went to do her thing she gave me a weird look and … zipped it up! WTF. How? Gahhh I was so happy. I wasn’t able to take deep breaths and I had to stand very straight but … it zipped! haha I was even tall enough with my heels that I didn’t need to hem. It was a pretty rad feeling walking out. So that’s an accomplishment for the year.

Hopefully by the time I need to wear it, it’ll be better fitted.  Now I just need to starve myself for a little over the next 2 months. haha jk … maybe.

Haha jk! I’ve never had a Sunday Funday. Just me and my little poop face chilling before my workout. Best workout partner in the world. He always falls asleep. I think he’s trying to tell me the sooner I finish, the faster I get to shower and cuddle with him.

I showed Mum and June a video and it mentioned how Asians have flat butts which striked a very weird conversation about how me and my siblings don’t have flat butts. hahaha! I do remember getting my first big booty compliment in college and that was also the day I decided I’m only going to wear baggy basketball shorts to play in. I don’t think I have a booty but I know if it wasn’t for that car accident where I had to stop working out, I might still have a whittle bitty one. Sigh. I miss my tan skin when I got to play every single intermural sport and spent hours on the fields/courts during college. Simpler times.

At Katie’s birthday last night we were talking about going to Hawaii together since United was having $500 round trip tickets. And since all of them are coupled up except for me and Tim, we decided we would share a room if he was able to bring Destiny. haha Him and his games … so dumb. Sadly, by the time we looked, the prices were already going up. We are still thinking of doing a cousins only trip together but we’re not sure where now.

It’s weird how I’ve been surrounded by so many people these past few days and still feel the loneliest I’ve been in a while. It’s always been hard for me to share things that bother me if I know they cannot help me. I feel like I’m bothering or burdening them or just straight out complaining. And the one I usually talk to about these things have their own crap to deal with. There’s just so much. I feel too much. I care too much. And I just want to make others happy. And I feel every time one thing is completed/fixed, another one pops up needing my attention when I have my own problems to deal with. Black hole that I can’t dig out of. I’m usually fine when all of this is going on but lately I’m just tired of it all. I just want to give up but it’s not in my nature; and that in itself stresses me out. I don’t know why I am this way right now.

But overall, even after being how I’m being, it was a good weekend filled with family and friends and laughter. I just need my alone time and maybe then, everything will be okay.

Hope everyone is having a great Saturday. I love Wong Fu Productions and thought I’d share one of their videos. Enjoy!

 

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Today marks 3 years at my current job. Things have changed a lot since then and I’ve changed a lot as well. New management, new coworkers, etc. The laughter is less and there are more uncertainties every month but I’m still trudging along. I’m always hoping for the best but whatever does come my way, I know it’ll be okay.

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I saw this quote on my friend’s Instagram and it was perfect. I know I have trust issues but those doubts shouldn’t be carried over. They should stay in the past and I know that. I tend to forget because of not wanting to get hurt again whether it be with just a friendship or a relationship.

I knew about Julia Sheer’s The Hardest Thing but I just found out Tyler Ward was the original composer. Julia just made it her own with her own words to answer his questions in his song. It’s things like that that makes me happy. Their raw feelings all in a song and speaking through music. Sucks though because they’re not together anymore and she deleted her original video off her YouTube. But I mean … it’s been so many years now … they could still have a chance, no? Hopeless romantic over here. Anyway, the two songs if you’re curious.