Mellie Dee ♥

This blog use to be more about celebrating happy things and it just went all emotional the past few weeks. Stop it, Melissa. Overall I had a good week and weekend. I’ve already cared less about things I have no control over but when new things come up I forget about it. I just need someone to remind me of this mantra when I forget.

I’ve decided no studio tonight. I don’t want to deal with that one kid that has been too much for me to handle. I don’t like confrontation or making things uncomfortable. But I’ve told myself, if it happens again, I’ll let Ed and John know. They’ll do something about it but I’m hoping it doesn’t have to get that way.

I’m sad though because Phrolic (Sebastian and Vince) will be there. I’ve missed their past few gigs. Is it bad to say I never watch the show if I’m not at the studio? Gahh!! Speaking of Vince, he had over $700 worth of music equipment stolen out of his car! What is wrong with people? Why can’t we live in a nice world … like Pleasantville.

Have y’all ever seen the movie Pleasantville? My beloved, Paul Walker, is in it. It’s still one of my favourite movies to this day and this movie was back in 1998? It’s about two ’90s teenagers who go into a ’50s sitcom and how one person can alter everyone’s lives. It’s a pretty well written script even if it doesn’t have super high ratings … and a lot of the movie is in black and white to fit the sitcom theme.

Maybe I’ll watch that tonight. All I want is to go home and have Rizz cuddles. I don’t know how he can tell but he only cuddles with me when I’m not feeling well. Like days when my stomach is being a booty butt face. I did an experiment this past week by drinking four different nights because I’ve noticed my stomach feels better after alcohol. Weird, right? I’ve never drank so much in one week before but whatever is in alcohol is helping … or maybe it’s all in my head. Michelle believes it has to do with my sickness since she has the same issues. Whomp. Hopefully it goes away.

Three more days until the weekend. Gah, I’m ready. Less drinking this week, promise.

By the time I let Riz out and ran my errands Friday, I arrived to World of Beer late. Sammy was already there waiting. Whoops. We spent two hours or so there talking about random things while people watching per usual. And when I got home, I saw the card Liliana had sent me. She’s known a lot of things haven’t been that great with me and her words meant the world to me. I wish she was closer. She’s currently in Mexico for a family vacation so I can’t even talk to her. Sigh.

Right after, I got a call from an old friend. We haven’t spoken in four years because the last time we did, I told him I had to walk away from our friendship unless he got help. And as he spoke, I burst into tears like a baby. As more and more people urged him, he started to realize and now he’s all better. He called to thank me. I’m not sure what I did but knowing I was able to help somehow is the best feeling ever. It’s been a long time coming and I’m happy for him. I just hope he stays on the right path and don’t fall back into his old ways.

I was starting to think this week was better than I thought until I get a text from Thing One saying I had better not be lying about Thing Two and one second later, Thing Two texts me pissed. I called Thing One because wtf … I don’t know how to fix all of this and it’s just a big mess now. Thing One tells me to stop crying and wouldn’t believe me when I told him it had nothing to do with this … understandable because I have been crying a lot lately. He tells me to leave it alone and that it’ll blow over. But I just don’t think things will go back to the way it was.

Thing One and I didn’t do anything wrong other than me telling Thing One. I know Thing Two is angry he got caught for starting things. But I got my answer this morning when I find Thing Two has deleted me off all his social media. I texted him to say that I don’t want all of this to be the reason we’re not friends anymore or for there to be hard feelings and he responded with how he’s already told me not to contact him unless it was about work. So there is my answer. I’m leaving it alone even though it kills me.

I was able to get my mind off of everything yesterday by hanging out with my friends and talking about random crap but after his response and knowing it can’t be fixed, all I’m worried about is work. If he’s able to still be professional then great but if not then it’ll be hell.

Family and friends have always been my number one most important thing. And one of my fears is losing people in my life. No matter what happens or what others do to me, I always try to forgive and will always be there no matter what so it kills me that a ship breaks. It kills me not being able to fix things and for a friendship to just die. Maybe Thing One is right and Thing Two will get over it but at the moment that seems like it’ll never be. And I’ll have to try my best to not let it affect me.

I wish everything went back to how it was. I just want everything to be okay. I just need to go back to my bubble.

I forgot how much amazingness this song is. The way he puts such upbeat instrumentals to such a sad song … gahhhh. These two ships come into each other’s lives for a short intense moment, then disappear off into the night. Although it’s not always the intention, you never see each other again. The ocean is a big place and it’s not impossible but very unlikely two ships will ever pass each other again. But if and when they do and both parties are willing, like the end of the song shows, it’ll work out.

“Turn the lights down low
Walk these halls alone
We can feel so far from so close

Like ships in the night
You keep passing me by
We’re just wasting time
Trying to prove who’s right
And if it all goes crashing into the sea
If it’s just you and me trying to find the light
Like ships in the night
You’re passing me by”

– Mat Kearney <3