Yesterday, I tried on bridesmaid dresses for Michelle’s wedding and I’m excited. The dresses are long and super elegant! Michelle was nice enough to let us pick what cut we wanted as long as it was the same material and long.

Three ended up with strapless, sweetheart with a knot in the middle. Two ended up with straps, sweetheart, raunching. I ended up with straps. If I want to dance, I want to make sure my girls won’t be dancing either.

And because I wasn’t able to wear earrings for Mallory’s wedding, I told myself, next wedding I will get them pierced so …

… I took the plunge and finally got my ears pierced. Yep!

As I was waiting to get mine done, there was a little baby there getting hers. I didn’t cry and it didn’t hurt … for now. I am only afraid of it not closing properly or whatever.

Since I was in elementary school, I’ve wanted to get them pierced but my grandma has always said I have Buddha earlobes and that means I’ll be rich. If I stab it, I’ll be losing it all. So I guess I’m going to be poor but hey, I’ll have fabulous looking ears.

#onestepclosertobeinggirly

via

These words cannot mean more to me as they do right now.

I’m always the one worrying about everyone – putting their happiness ahead of mine.

Stress galore.

I’ve decided to speak up; my opinions should factor in and matter. If they truly love me, they won’t mind my words. Of course, I won’t take it for granted and mouth off every single dislike.

I am still afraid of speaking up, not knowing where the relationship could go afterward but when I do, it’s the most freeing feeling. Things aren’t bottled up as much and I can breathe again.

Stress less.

How does this quote relate to you at this moment?

I don’t like to open up in detail. Sad things are rarely shared because I feel like a burden. If too many people know about the happy things, it usually turns to shit. When I do find those I am able to share every detail with, I hold them very dear to me. But without fail, majority of the time, jealousy comes into play and well … shit.

If it’s with a girl, her great gal pals think that she’s been replaced as “best friend”. If it’s with a guy with a girlfriend, she’ll think we’re cheating or I’m trying to steal her man. If this guy dated this girl and I’m still friends with both of them, I have to pick a side.

Why can’t we all just get along? Why can’t everyone just be friends? I mean, I get it. Jealousy and shit. I get jealous too, don’t get me wrong. But where’s the trust? Unless that person has done something to make you question your position in their life, without trust, there is no ship. It angers me that some ships have ended because of this. Why does that have to be the endgame?

It’s made me afraid to open up – not knowing when that person is leaving. I know people always leave. It’s inevitable. It’s taken me a long time to get to where I am now and I know that if I end up losing someone close to me again, it’ll undo everything. And with everything going on around me, I’m not sure if I can handle it.

Just some thoughts. Hope you all had a swell weekend. I sure did because I have some great ships in my life.