FTK Co-Rec Soccer is in the Playoffs and we won our game tonight! Whoop! I played a little bit but with shin splints and all it was hard so I was sad but we did great!

And now onto Thankful Thursday!

I’m thankful I got to go to THON. I got to see things that not many people have a chance to see. I am hoping I can go next year to relive it again. Fingers crossed! I probably can’t go with the group again since I would have graduated but maybe a reunion or something?

I am thankful I am alive. I tend to think about a lot of things when I drive. Most of the time when I’m quiet, I’m thinking about something. Driving or not. Good or bad. I drove to a lot of places today that gave me time to think that I almost got into, give or take, 5-7 car accidents. I actually rammed into a stone wall while backing out tonight after taking someone home. Yes, it was that bad.

I’m thankful I have friends like Shayna and Patrica. I’m sitting in their living room watching the telly and typing this out while they are asleep. Yes, another schedule post written in the past! We had a girl’s night. Much needed for all of us. We drank wine and watched Criminal Minds so I could stop thinking about everything while I worked on some FTK stuff … of course. I’m not able to tell them all the little details of things but I’m able to tell the gist since they were kind of there for everything.

I’m thankful for my FSA big, Rex. I bumped into him in the halls today and he knew something was wrong because I wasn’t smiling for the first time. I didn’t tell him anything and insisted I was not sad. But with his hug, tears welled in my eyes. There are so many people who are there for me when I least expect it, yet I’m never able to open up.

I am thankful for my siblings. Given I don’t tell them anything that goes on with me but if I get a text or a message on Facebook, just seeing it makes my day. Especially when they send me cute pictures of their doggies, aka my nephews. I cannot wait too meet my newest nephew! I’m not sure if they decided to change his name or not but he’s two years old. Sissy, Brett, and Ross got him at the pound.

There are other things I’m thankful for of course. The list can go on. But right now, those are what holds dear to my heart.

I hope everyone has a Thankful Thursday! Think of all the good that you have and the bad will slowly disappear, hopefully.

Did you ever felt so hurt that your heart is in pain? I’m pretty numb about everything but for some reason today, talking to various people, I realized that it’s possible with everything that happened. I was asked why I don’t open up and I don’t understand how he can’t see the reason when it was all around us. At the end of all of this, I will be stronger. Just when I thought I was able to start opening up and letting my wall down, someone had to come and make me build my wall up even higher.

I wanted a guy’s point of view of things that were going on so I texted Travis, “I need someone to converse with if possible”. This was at 11:30pm, when he usually studies. Next thing I know he was on Facebook Chat. Then at my door when he realized this was a face-to-face conversation. We talked for a little over 2 hours. Given we talked about random things at times, he was able to give me opinions about the situation and about the people involved. It’s nice to know he’ll kick someone’s ass if I ever ask for it. Brother Bear to the rescue. He has class at 7:30am and he stayed up talking to me. That’s a real friend. And I hope I’ll never lose him.

Woke up late today and I still feel the sting of the pain,
But I brushed my teeth anyway.
I got dressed through the mess and put a smile on my face.
I got a little bit stronger.

Because of all of this, I didn’t want to come home. I didn’t want to deal with anything. But of course, life goes on. And it’s just another thing we have to learn from. No more emo posts for a while after this. I just needed to get it out.

Penn State brought me and a friend even closer than before. While driving her home and talking, she was able to share something that she’s only shared with one other person here at UTSA. That means a lot to me. It made me understand why she is how she is. And for her to trust me with that information … indescribable feeling.

I hope everyone’s having a good week! It’s hump day! We’re halfway there!