Many people call me a people-pleaser. I use to see that as a compliment because it meant I made people happy but as I grow older, I realize it’s the opposite.
I’m taken granted most of the time and even when I feel I can’t give anymore, I push myself to because I’ll feel guilty saying “no” – and they know I can’t say “no”. I’ll stand by someone who constantly hurts me because if I see that they’re happy, what’s a little pain?
I’ve always given my all never expecting anything in return, materialistic or treating others the way I’d want to be treated. But I realized I’m subconsciously wanting to take by hoping they like me back as a person. I’m trying to compensate for having the feeling of not being good enough for anyone.
But I am good enough. Not to sound cocky, but I believe I’m a pretty great friend and if I was in a relationship with someone, I know I’m a damn good girlfriend.
I look around and see people who only care about their own feelings and don’t give a crap about anything else. I’m filled with envy that they’re able to do so and are still surrounded by people along with a significant other. They don’t feel guilty about it so why should I?
I understand not everyone will like me just as I won’t like everyone I meet and have to put boundaries on people who constantly hurt me or take me for granted. I understand I don’t always have to explain myself if the answer is “no” and I sure can’t back down due to feeling guilty. I understand I have to put myself first for a happier me but taking the first step is always the hardest.