It’s crazy how much a year can change a person. 2018 was pretty rough. I wasn’t sure why I had such dark thoughts. I didn’t know what I was going through other than feeling as if I was floating through the days and the days started to blur together. I tried cutting myself off from everyone at the end of 2018 and the beginning of 2019 to stop hurting those around me. For those that wouldn’t let me, I acted like I was okay until I couldn’t anymore. It was selfish and I’m sorry.
I had all of 2019 to reflect on what went wrong; I put myself first and promised to focus on myself. My goals and dreams have changed and although they might still never come true, I’m learning to be okay with it.
Before the year closes, I want to thank those for all the silent phone calls and car rides, conversations, and hangouts, for sticking by me when I said I just needed time and space and giving it to me, yet being there when I reached out, for believing in me when I stopped believing in myself, for standing by me as I found myself again, as I made myself mentally healthier. Thank you.
Mahal kita.
I gave all my oxygen to people that could breathe
I gave away my money and now we don’t even speak
I drove miles and miles, but would you do the same for me?
Oh, honestly?…
I gave you all my energy and I took away your pain
‘Cause human beings are destined to radiate or drain
What line do we stand upon ’cause from here looks the same?
And only scars remain…
Life can get you down so I just numb the way it feels
I drown it with a drink and out-of-date prescription pills
And all the ones that love me they just left me on the shelf
No farewell
So before I save someone else, I’ve got to save myself
And before I blame someone else, I’ve got to save myself
And before I love someone else, I’ve got to love myself
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