When your past comes back … literally.
The oh-yay, you’re back … but oh-crap!
My ex from my freshman year of college reached out to me again last week. He does it every once in a while. We didn’t end on bad terms. I always did the friends first method of dating and tried doing the not knowing each other first part. He was the first person I dated without being friends first and it didn’t go anywhere. I’m not good at dating people I don’t know. I’ve tried it probably twice my whole life and it just … didn’t work for me. Friends first has always been easier for me (though hesitant because that’s how you lose them if it doesn’t work out) because I am able to be myself without worry that person would run away. So even though every year he reaches out, it makes me worry he still wants to try. The questions he asks and the way he says some things makes me think so. And since I never had that emotional connection with him, it’s hard to jump right back in and I know I won’t ever be able to. I hope he feels it too. I hope he knows that I’ll always be here for him, but I don’t know if I can be someone he wants me to be for him. It’s still nice to see he’s doing well though.
The oh-yay, you’re back!
A two hour phone call with an old friend last night. TWO HOURS. We hadn’t talked in years and lately we’ve been trying to catch up through text messages and figured a phone call would be easier. So much easier it was. We caught up from the last time we talked until now and it’s just so much stuff. YEARS of stuff. Unending. But we finally had to say our goodbyes since we were both getting sleepy. Friendships that are so easy to pick up where we left off. Those are the ones that you cherish and know will be there for you even with years to come.
My wish this Wednesday …
… is not to lose any more people in my life. If we drift apart, we keep in touch. I know it has to be both parties willing else it won’t work. So all I hope is that both parties will always be willing to do so. Even if it’s years later, I promise, I’ll always be here. No matter how we ended up not speaking to one another. No matter how bad you’ve treated me. I wanted you in my life then, and I’ll always want you in my life no matter how long it’s been.
I think Emily Osment put it best when she got asked why she still tries to be friends with someone who doesn’t want to be their friends.
You don’t give up on friends. You wait, years maybe, but you don’t ever give up.